Ex Boyfriend Wants us to Stay Friends After Breakup?

Ex Boyfriend Wants us to Stay Friends After Breakup?

Should I stay friends with an ex boyfriend?

Ex boyfriend tells me he wants to stay friends after breakup but I’m not sure I can see him with other girls yet.  What should I do?

Don’t over-think it.

This is a tricky situation because relationships end in several different ways.  It is probably early in your breakup and there are many emotions up going through your head.  We all do it, we over-analyze every small interaction with an ex.  Everything from a text, to a snapchat story.

“We should still be friends” is often something that gets brought up when ending a relationship.  This phrase is used to soften the blow, and suggest a positive future.  However, not everyone can handle the shift from being in a relationship to just being friends.

ex boyfriend
Ex boyfriend wants to still be friends after breakup

Tell your ex boyfriend you need time.

These are difficult times.  Take all of the time you need to reflect and try not to make any quick decisions or act irrationally.  Your feelings towards staying friends after a breakup might change as time goes on.  Many times we go through the stages of grief when it comes to an ex boyfriend.  I have friends who get over a guy within a week.  I have other friends who need more than a year to fully get over an ex.  Everyone is different, and taking longer to get over a relationship does not mean you are weak.

At first you might say “yes, we should stay friends” because you might feel pressured by his offer.  Do not say anything you don’t mean.  If it is too difficult to stay friends, you should speak up and make it clear.  It can be very emotionally hurtful to get dragged along seeing someone you have feelings for every day knowing you can’t be with them.  If you need distance, tell him you need distance.  Keeping the emotions inside can cause more damage.

It is okay to be unsure

It is perfectly fine to say “I don’t know yet”.  There is a lot of information to process at this time, and you don’t know all the answers.  Tell him you need a week to think about it if you think it will help.  Nobody should react poorly to requesting more time.  Take this time to do whatever you’d typically do after a breakup.  Spend time with your other friends or with your family.  Talk it out.  Watch your favorite movies.  Do what you need to get your mind off of things.  During this recovery period, you will be able to make a better decision of whether or not you can still be friends with your ex boyfriend.

We’ve covered what to do if the answer of staying friends is unclear.  Many times, the answer is very clear, but it is just difficult to say.

You might be dead set on saying no to staying friends after the breakup.  That’s perfectly fine.  You know you don’t want to see this person any more, and that should be respected.  However, this can often be difficult to say out loud.  It can be awkward to tell someone that you don’t want to be their friend.  If you are confident in your decision, it is best to just pull the band-aid off right away.  The awkwardness of having to interact with someone you don’t want to will greatly out-weigh the awkwardness of being straight forward with them.  If they react negatively to your decision, that should only solidify your feelings.

Be truthful.

It is best to say what you really think.  They might ask many questions if you are not clear from the beginning.  Tell them how you feel, and don’t sugar coat your message.  Many people take pride in keeping healthy relationships with their exes, but you don’t have to be one of them.  Your feelings come first.  Try saying something along the lines of “It would be too difficult for me to keep interacting with you”.  There may be some resistance, especially if they feel like they’re losing a close friend, but stay strong with your feelings.

Some of my friends can stay great friends with their exes while others cannot stand them and avoid them at all costs.  I’ve definitely seen some people try to force the friendship to work, but this typically ends with a lot more harm than good.  The friendship can be very single-sided and painful.  Just remember you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.  Sometimes there are external forces that make this difficult.  If your ex boyfriend is a family-friend or a coworker, you might feel very pressured to make the friendship work.  Make sure to put yourself first and ignore these factors!

Conclusion.

In conclusion, communicate clearly how you really feel.  At first you might not be sure, and that is totally fine.  Communicate that you need more time to process your emotions and come to a conclusion.  Do not try to force anything you are not comfortable with.  This can put you in a very painful situation with a lot of pent up emotions.  Do what you need to do to get through the breakup.  Tell your ex boyfriend how you really feel, as the truth will hurt you the least.  Talking about your emotions out-loud with your closest friends can be a great way to help you come to a conclusion.  Everything will be alright! Go out and be brave!

 

Lastly, check out lil Dicky’s song “Ex Boyfriend”.  It is not about a break up, but it is very funny and might cheer you up!

 

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